I love black thongs
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
