Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
