if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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