i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
