the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
