Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
