Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
