Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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