Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
