He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
