Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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