careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Someone signed my nipple.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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