yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
