I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
