i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I could fuck to npr.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
