i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
