her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
birth control should be required to get into college
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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