I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
