His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
