stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
