I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
