My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
