Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
