Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
