would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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