hell yes lets make some ravioli
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
