Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
