I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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