SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
