Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize