What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
