I just made out with a guy for $7.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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