Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
