Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
