i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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