smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
