I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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