I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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