12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
