So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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