It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
