i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my being single is dangerous.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
