I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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