U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
