Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
