I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
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