Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
