I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
