I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
my liver is dry heaving
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
