It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
