I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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