my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize