hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
farters have to be the big spoon...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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