you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
