There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
