so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
