She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think people are normalizing furries
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
