1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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