Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
