Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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