If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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