Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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