you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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