Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
