I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
