so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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