Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I am available for nakedness
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
